Time of the Month
by destroyedparadise234
Summary: Uchihas are special and therefore, have their own 'time-of-the-month'. Poor Naruto unfortunately becomes the victim of acertain Uchiha's Time-of-terror... Major OOC-ness, CRACK, and YAOI


**This is just a super short one-shot that I wanted to write quickly! Enjoy!**

**Warning: Yaoi, minor Itachi bashing from Sasu-kun, extreme OOC from everyone, CRACK therefore it does not need to make sense. Let's just imagine that no one was killed and that the massacre never happened and that Itachi is a pedophile for Naru! OK.**

**Disclaimer: disclaimers can kiss my ass because I do in fact own Narut- **receives glares from the Uchihas** Ok fine… they own Naruto…**

**Sasuke: HE doesn't own any part of my Naru-chan whatsoever!**

**Itachi: What parts do YOU own exactly?**

**Sasuke: KISS MY ASS!**

**Itachi: No, I do not wish to kiss anybody else's ass except for my Naru. Now YOU can kiss MY ass.**

**Sasuke: WHY YO-**

**Kishimoto: Ehem. -_-"**

***…*…***

"Naruto-kun! I just want to talk to you!"

"No! Last time you 'just wanted to talk to me' you locked me in a closet with you and molested me!" Naruto yelled as ran down the hallway of the Uchiha mansion away from a certain ponytail wearing Uchiha. Yes, it was that time of the month for him again. No not 'that' time of the month but sometimes poor Naruto wishes it was just as simple as that one. No, the Uchihas are special and have their own type of time-of-terror. As we all know all members of the Uchiha clan are, well, emotionally retarded. They, for some reason, feel the need to not show any type of emotion and therefore must release all their pent up emotion in one day. Unfortunately for Itachi, this month's emotion that they had pent up was lust. Itachi's boyfriend had apparently broken up with him sometime in the last couple of weeks and now all of his pent up _frustration_ was going to be acted upon the first male he saw that day, which of course happens to be a certain blue-eyed kitsune. Yes, Fugaku's eldest son was gay. Did he care? Probably since last month he blew up half the mansion during his time of the month. Does he care now? Naruto wasn't willing to stay to find out.

Back to Naruto's problem. As he ran down the halls he searched for the closest exit; to think all the times he's been there he doesn't even remember where the exit was. He looked back and saw Itachi was less than 5 feet away from him and ran into the nearest door before locking it.

"I'm so pretty! Oh so pretty! I'm so pretty, and witty, and GAYY!" Naruto would have burst out laughing seeing Sasuke and Itachi's father dancing and singing around the room if he weren't in mortal danger of being sodomized by a weasel.

"And I pity the girl who isn't me toda- oomph!" Naruto did burst out laughing at seeing Fugaku slam face-first into the wall after doing while dancing across the room. Naruto would have filmed all of the craziness that happens during their time of the months, he was the only person outside the Uchiha clan that has actually witnessed it, if he wasn't afraid of being murdered by them after they went back to normal.

"Naru! I heard your beautiful laughter coming from there! Now come out before I burn down the door!" Naruto could have sworn he heard Itachi's voice still smiling in the last sentence. Naruto looked around the room and took the only exit available; he climbed out the window.

"Ok Naru! Here I come!" Naruto's fingers slipped and stared to plummet down to earth until a hand from about four floors down grabbed him by the wrist.

"Dobe! Hurry up and pull yourself up here, I cant hold on much longer!" Naruto looked up at his savior and glomped Sasuke as he jumped into his room. "Sasuke-teme!" Naruto nuzzled his face into Sasuke neck, missing the prominent blush the usually stoic boy's face. Naruto still had his legs wrapped around Sasuke's waist, making him have to lock his arms under Naruto's bottom to prevent them from falling.

"Usuratonkachi! Gah, you're too heavy for me to be carrying you like this still!"

Naruto looked at Sasuke and smiled before playfully arguing, "What, am I too fat for you now?" Sasuke blushed before looking in any other direction besides Naruto. As Naruto looked around he noticed the room was dark and that Sasuke was wearing all black.

"Oh crap! It's your time of the month too? I thought you went through 'emo' two months ago!"

"What? No you idiot, all my other clothes are in the wash and I just woke up."

"Oh. Ok good! Cause you have to help me man!"

"Wait, why are you even in my house?"

"That doesn't matter the point is-"

"The doors are all locked… did you break in?"

"How I got here is not impor-"

"Baka, just because you're the only person I ever let come inside my house doesn't mean you can sneak in-"

"YOUR BROTHER IS TRYING TO RAPE ME!"

"…"

"…"

"…what?"

"Itachi's sexually frustrated and wishes to do very un-holy acts upon my anus through force."

Sasuke walked up to the calendar in his room, with Naruto still wrapped around him, and realization came upon him. "Oh it's his time of the month…"

"Wait, you guys have a schedule of when this happens?"

"Of course, doesn't everybody?"

"…"

"Don't answer that. Besides why should I help you? This is your own fault for breaking into my home."

"Because I love you." Sasuke blushed and mumbled something under his breath.

"What was that teme?"

Sasuke glared at Naruto and sucked in a large amount of air to shout at Naruto before he heard a blast coming from the direction of his door.

"Sasuke! Have you seen Naru-!" Itachi stopped in mid sentence when he saw his little brother carrying the object of his lust. Big chibi tears started forming and before anybody could explain what was happening, Itachi well freaked out.

"NUUUHHH! WHY NARU! WHY DO YOU DENY MY LOVE!" Naruto and Sasuke sweat-dropped while Itachi began running around in circles.

"WAAAH- oomph! Bakayarou! Who dares disturb my sulking!" Itachi looked up and saw a freaked out Kisame. He quickly snapped out of his shock and held Itachi's hand.

"Itachi, I came here to apologize for leaving you. I don't know what I was thinking."

"…you bastard! How dare you leave and the two weeks later you-mmphhmm!" Itachi was soon sedated by Kisame's kissing skills and was carried off to his room.

"…your brother's a whore."

Sasuke glared.

"Oh yeah what were you saying before Itachi had a mental breakdown?'

"Nothing…"

"You said something! Now tell me!"

"No!"

"Sasuke…" Naruto lowered his head and kissed Sasuke lightly.

"D-dobe… I said 'don't do or say things you don't mean'…" Naruto smiled and swooped down for another kiss.

"I guess for once I'm following your rules." Naruto kissed Sasuke more passionately this time before Sasuke dropped Naruto on the bed and started ravishing him.

**_Two Hours Later_**

Naruto and Sasuke flopped down on the bed before he pulled the covers over their bodies. Sasuke kissed Naruto's forehead before nuzzling his blonde hair. "I love my Naru-chan…"

"I love you too Sasuke…"

"So… why'd you pick me over my brother anyways?"

Naruto looked questioningly and Sasuke before hugging him.

" Your whole clan is emotionally constipated. It's just you're the only one that I wouldn't mind having to deal with."

"Awww… Naru… wait, what?"

"Uh… nothing hehe… so your dad and brother have the same time-of-the-month?"

"What? No, we each have a designated day. Do you think the world would still be intact if we all had it on the same day?"

"But, I saw your dad dancing and singing some gay song in another room."

Sasuke's eyes widened.

"Excuse me for one moment." He jumped out of the bed and ran down the stairs, ignoring the fact he was still in his birthday suit.

"Oh shit! Mother! Father found your happy pills again!"

Once Sasuke ran down the staircase, Fugaku decided to pass by Sasuke's room and saw a very naked Naruto lying on the bed. His eyes widened before shouting, "Damn it all! They're both gay!"

Needless to say the construction workers started complaining about having to go fix the Uchiha mansion again.

***…*…***

**Thank you for enjoying my crap! I hope you liked a little insight of what happens inside my mind! Sorry for making Itachi so OOC and sorry I didn't feel like writing a lemon :/**

**Sasuke: **pout****

**A/N: Be glad I didn't make Itachi win.**

**Sasuke: **forces smile****

**Itachi: I do not need the fox. Besides, I like sharks better ;)**

**Sasuke: Excuse me while I go throw up.**

**Review please!**


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